Friday, December 25, 2009

Overcoming Temptation

Well, I definitely needed to read this tonight. Last night God and I discussed this since I gave into temptation last night. I am often physically aroused when around mj. It can be very tough sometimes. It seems like it would be so easy to throw myself at him as I have sometimes done in the past. I could get out everything I need and want and go for it. But I know that is not what God wants.

Sin is deceitful. And Satan has changed his tactics. No more severe demonic attacks from the pit of hell. No more Satan saying he will not give up mj's soul. Now it is subtle. Think about the physical. Mention it. Do it. Meditate on it. Instigate it. After all, you have the perfect right.

But I will not. If I didn't have the Lord and His guidance, I can assure you I would be all over mj with a passion. I would say things and do things to get him going. It is only by the grace of God that I can resist this temptation. And I am going to pray! Please help me, Lord!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Will I Ever Learn?

God has promised in His Word that if we ask anything in His Name, He will give it to us. He also knows the desires of our hearts. So today I had so much I wanted to ask for, but I didn't know if what I was wanting was appropriate. I'm so glad God knows our desires even if we don't voice them. He answered anyway. I have been through all this before, and it is always in regard to MJ. I don't know if I will ever learn. I need to ask and not worry about whether what I am praying for is appropriate.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Charles Spurgeon Reflection

Proverbs 27:23
Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks, and look well to thy herds.

Charles Spurgeon really had some good things to say about this. He exhorts us to examine ourselves on a regular basis to discover if things are right between God and me. There has been a fantastic change in our relationship, and I really have noticed it the past week or two.

It used to be in relation to MJ that I so longed for us to be together that I was willing to do anything to get us together short of you can guess. I let the physical happen in hopes that things would change.

I was afraid of the physical, and it did come back, but it has now been since Thanksgiving that has happened. It was hard the first week or so, but I now have said, "I don't want anything between us until it can be permanent."

The physical relationship is fleeting. There is nothing lasting in that. I knew that things were different when Satan tempted me tonight, and I said, "No, it is not the way. It is not the way to have a lasting relationship. It was tough for a few minutes tonight, but I knew God was there.

I do long to be in right relationship with God. This is part of that relationship. I am grateful to God for all the work I have been able to do since September. I am so glad, though, that I get 3 weeks off!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

My First Devotional Blog

This is an easy way for me to comment on what I am reading in my devotions online. We'll see how it works.

Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth —2 Timothy 2:15

Oswald Chambers used this is in his devotional. He talks about working out what you believe and expressing is in words that make sense to others. He says not to borrow what others say and use it as your own. I may read something that is great, and I may be able to make it my own, but I'm sure all of us have had those times when someone says something that we know they do not understand or believe.

God has been working on my lately. I have had to learn that I cannot manufacture things as I have tried to for so many years. Do I really believe that God can do it on His own in His own way and that His way will not be thwarted? Or do I just give this lip service and figure God needs a helping hand? Well, here is what I believe about the matter that affects me the most.

I have known and loved MJ for nearly 8 years now. I have also tried in that period to manufacture his salvation. I have loved him genuinely for the most part, but I have pushed and pulled and tried to get certain things to happen. God spoke with me when MJ came back, and I have decided that this must stop. In order for God to work in his life, I need to rely on Him for everything. I need to pray and look for openings, but there is no room for pushing and prodding and trying to make things happen. When he is saved and ultimately decides to spend the rest of his life with me, it will be because God drew him to Himself and not because I pushed, pulled, and prodded.

It's a difficult position to be in. For the first time in this area, I am not in charge. I am not even a copilot. In fact, I am along for the ride. That's it. When God seeks to use me, He will. And He has. I have definitely seen little steps, and I have some unbelievable memories.

I shall continue to study and rehearse how God would have me act and talk towards MJ. Thank you Lord!