Thursday, October 21, 2010

Thoughtful Thursday--How God Has Been (and is) Changing Me

I don't know about you, but I am one of those people who likes to plan everything out--and I mean everything.  When I was a little girl, I had my life completely planned out.  And you know, it worked out for a while.  I got into music and was recognized for my talent.  High school was great.  Even college was good.  Getting married wasn't part of the plan, but it was interesting how I wanted to marry him, and I did.  Everything went along very well.

I remember the first time I realized not everything was going to work out as I planned.  I graduated from college, and I applied to a master's program.  I made the tape, and I sent it off to Illinois State.  I was certain they would want someone as musical as I.  It was not the absolute best recording, but I felt it was all right.

Imagine my shock the day they sent it back with a rejection letter--rejection me??  What was wrong with them?  And then the other university lost my information, and by the time they found it, it was really too late to consider going there.

As I cried, it was only a day or so later that my former pastor's wife called me and said that there was an available job--3 to be exact.  She had been teaching music, and she said that I might be able to take over.  She wasn't coming back.  I didn't want to teach, but...  To make a long story short, I worked at 2 of the places.  The other one didn't pan out.  But I gained valuable experience.

Then I was sure I would remain there.  I was ready to get going on becoming a full-fledged music teacher.  And my then husband said we were moving.  I got the job in Fort Worth over the phone.  Things were great.  Lots happened in that four years--some good, some bad.  I again learned so much.  

When I realized I had to move on because the school could not ask me back, God provided the ideal job yet again.  My then husband didn't believe I would get a job in the public school, but I did.  God continued to provide for my needs.  

Everything got messed up during my divorce.  And then I moved out here with my parents, didn't get a job--and when you think of  all that has happened, you would think God would finally get my attention and I would understand that in this life, I do not have to be in charge of everything!!

What I have noticed is that over the past couple weeks, God has been changing some of these old habits.  For example, today when I was late to work through no fault of my own, I didn't get upset like I did last year.  Last year when I was one hour late to a training, I was beside myself.  I was ready to completely give up.  When I was sent home on Tuesday due to scheduling error, I didn't get upset.  When I think of Martin coming back, I actually don't dread it.  Satan tried to get me thinking down the wrong path today, but I didn't.  In fact, there was a song I heard on the way home that really spoke to me.  Now, it has one word in it, I do not use, but the chorus is as follows:

You keep your heart above your head and you eyes wide open
So this world can't find a way to leave you cold
And know you're not the only ship out on the ocean
Save your strength for things that you can change
Forgive the ones you can't
You gotta let 'em go

Even God used that song in my life today.  And it's true.  Stop stewing about what didn't go right.  Stop trying to plan your whole life out.  Let God take hold of your life!  Amen!!


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