Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Twilight Tuesday--On the Other Side of My Divorce

Well, I know I have  posted some about my divorce and what led  up to  it, but I don't think I've  talked much about what happened afterwards.  Some  people have expressed the desire to know more about me, so here goes.

It was a long divorce--about 9 months  long. I remember  thinking it  would never end!  My ex did not even show up to the final court date where  I was granted the divorce.  It was divorce by default.  He had  no money left, and he knew he had lost.  His  lawyer dismissed him--go figure!

As I was in the final month or so before the divorce was granted, I did something that probably many people do in my situation.  I began looking around online for a new guy.  Yep,  I did it. I was on all the pen pal sites. I went to eHarmony.  Goodness, I was in the process of signing up when  Martin (my friend in England) sent me a  proposal via e-mail! (That's a whole other blog post--seriously).  I did sign  up, and  I wasted a bunch of money on eHarmony.  I'm not knocking the site.  But something happened that prevented my use of it.

I happened to answer a pen pal ad--don't even remember the site--and it was a guy beginning to go through a divorce himself.  His name was Daryl.  I almost hate to write his name here.  I actually saw his picture on facebook, and he hasn't changed a bit.  I actually haven't spoken much about him in  a long time, so  maybe I'll post a little tonight.

I sent this guy an e-mail, and I remember I got excited when he wrote  back.  And we wrote back and forth for a while.  He was in Georgia, and I don't even remember how old he was. I think he wasn't much older  than  I, but  I can't recall.  He had married a girl who had been married before.  She had kids, and now she wanted someone else.

As would be expected, I became  infatuated with the guy.  Especially after he called me.  I think he called me the day before I went to court  to get the divorce finalized.  Yes, he was a Christian--or so he said.  I stupidly sent him flowers.  That cause a wave of something or other because he lived with his mom.  As I write this now, I have no idea why I liked him.

Actually, I do.  When Martin  withdrew his proposal,  I was devastated.  I had to find someone else on whom to place my feelings.  So, I found the first guy who would take  those  feelings.  Our relationship was so strange.  We spent hours on  the phone--I let everything else go.  I began to gain weight again.  Martha was about two, and I neglected her. I didn't  do much of anything that summer.  And I made sure that  when Martin came  that I put Daryl ahead of him--oh that was hard!  Because I was  actually in love with Martin, but I was subconsciously trying to make Martin jealous.

I actually used to talk  to this guy till 9 or 10 at night, and I would let him call me at 4 or 5 in the  morning.  Can we talk about desperation?  He had a drinking problem.  He had no  real job.  He was sex-crazed.  He tried to take advantage of me whenever he could,  but I never let  him  get away with a thing.  Truth be known, I controlled him completely!  It was my Mom and Martin that  woke me up.

In fact, I still remember the night that it all  ended.  It is the only night I have ever stayed up all night.  I was trying to sleep.  It was  the Thursday night before MLK day.  I was having major misgivings since Christmas concerning  the engagement and pending marriage.  For some reason, I couldn't sleep.  I remember I called my mom, and she pointed  out to me  that I was in love  with Martin and it was okay.  I took off my engagement ring.  I wrote Martin an e-mail that just spilled my guts out to him.  He rejected me,  but it didn't change anything.  I actually went to school that day on  absolutely no sleep.  It was only the grace of God that got me through.  The following Tuesday I sent my engagement ring back to Daryl, and that was the end of that.  I never even cried over the relationship.  I felt bad for Daryl.  But I was so glad I woke up.

I guess there are times we lose our heads, isn't there? I'm so glad God woke me up before I got married to another  idiot.  And I realized whom I loved.

Okay, tonight I repaired jewelry for about 20-30 minutes.  That felt good to get something done.  And I decided that from now on I plan to add a song  to each blog entry if I can.  I am so musical,  and I think I can find a song for each post.

I think this song puts into words how I now  feel about Martin.  I once bought  Reba's album merely because of this song!

1 comment:

  1. Divorce is so hard on everyone involved, and we all make bad choices when we're hurting. We are so lucky to have the Lord to lean on!