Thursday, September 2, 2010

What are Your Dreams?

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12 (NIV)

With inspiration from Mary Beth's blog on Proverbs 31 ministries.

First of all the past two days have put me WAY behind, and  I mean it.  I unexpectedly worked both days--especially this morning.  And I just don't have the time the lazy summer afforded  me.  I am committed to blogging--I find myself thinking about my blog on the way to work, in the middle of the night--it has been addictive.  

I was drawn to the post I linked tonight as I was clearing out my inbox--now at around 750 messages or so!!  And I read this devotional.  I haven't even done my Bible reading today.  But I'm glad I read this.

That opening verse speaks to me.  What were my little girl dreams?  Am I doing anything like I expected I would?  Well, no.  I wanted to be a musical theatre star.  I wanted to be a gospel singer.  I wanted to be a great writer.  I wanted to be single.  I wanted to have 8-10 kids after I got married.  I wanted to adopt a child like Annie or Anne of Green Gables.  I wanted to live in New York.  I wanted to homeschool my kids.  I wanted to be a stay-at-home Mom.  And back then, I was sure everything was going to happen.  Just like in the devotional, I never doubted I would do it.  

And here I sit.  Living with my parents.  Facing possible foreclosure.  A divorcee, a single mother, a substitute teacher, a blogger (okay, that's a good thing), daughter of a rejected church member (that's another long story I must share some time), in love with a non-Christian who treats me with such respect that I sometimes forget he's not saved.  (Don't worry, we're not getting married or anything.  But it doesn't mean I'm not in love with him.)

Things didn't turn out as I thought they would.  But what is the dream nearest my heart.  I long for Martin to be saved.  There was a time I selfishly wanted him to be saved so we could married.  No longer.  Seriously, even if Martin were to get saved and we could never be married, I would still long for him to be saved.  I long for him to know the peace I have found.  

Maybe my life did not turn out as I thought it should.  I once had it all planned out quite neatly.  I think it was when I was they rejected my application for graduate school that I realized that planning my life out in that kind of detail is not what I need to do.  I need to take it one day at a time.

But it doesn't mean I shouldn't dream.  If I just sit here blogging, I would get nothing done.  Nothing.  If I sit here talking about my dreams and don't try to do anything to accomplish them, nothing will happen.

Dear Heavenly Father,  I pray that all of us right now will turn to you and not be afraid to dream.  May the practicality and cares of this life not bog us down.  Lord God, may we give our dreams to You but not be afraid to act on them even if it means stepping out of our comfort zone.


1 comment:

  1. This post brought tears to my eyes! It hit so close to home! I was a single mom with three kids. My faith was tested to the max during my journey and I felt my dreams had been shattered! I finally just handed it all over to God and said, "Here, I am not strong enough, you do with my life what you need to do!" I started to trust him and stopped trying to control my life. Things started to happen and change. Hang in there and I will be praying for you!

    Also, I am super excited you are joining Project Skinny Me!!!