Sunday, November 7, 2010

Solution Sunday--I Finally Understand (as much as a human can)

I know I have posted so many things recently about how God has been working in my spiritual life, but of course, it does go with the name of my blog, doesn't it?  I know I haven't posted anything really terrific, and I have not had time to network, but give me a little bit of time, and I will.

Today, God really opened my heart to understand something that I guess I never really had.  Have you ever been praying or just going about your day and you get a really strange idea that is quite sinful?  I can remember having weird ideas sometimes about ending my life or hurting someone or just doing something off the wall.  I can remember spending time asking God for forgiveness for these thoughts.  I called them my thoughts.  I felt I was responsible for those thoughts.

You know what?  They are not my thoughts!  They are thoughts from the pit of hell, and they come from unredeemed flesh.  My new nature did not think up these horrible things.  What a joy it is to know this and  truly understand who I am in Christ.

Now this is the thing that I  really am surprised about.  When Martin was gone, I  began to list all the things I was not going to do when he was here.  I wasn't going to stop blogging or even slow down.  I wasn't going to go out in his room and watch TV with him in the evenings.  I was not going to make food that caters to him.  I was not going to allow myself to be physical with him at all.  I was going to make sure that he did not control me, and until he becomes a Christian, no way was I going to be affectionate.

What is wrong with those statements?  I asked my mom after church why it is that I have been so willing to do things to show that I love Martin and that I want to be with him.  I didn't understand.  Here's the answer.  While the things I listed are not sinful or necessarily bad, they are from Satan, not God.  They come from fear and an unwillingness to repeat mistakes I have made in the past.  It goes back to what God has said to me before.  I am to show Martin the love of God through the way I love him.  It is a difficult calling at times.  But because I am following God rather than the law, the methods may be unconventional, but it is what Martin  needs.  In fact, I told Mom that I do not even feel deprived in what God has me do even though I can't go as far as my flesh would like to go.  But since I am a new creature in Christ, as I let Him control me, I want to do His will.  For the first time, I did not truly desire going all the way in the same way I had.

So my solution this week is that I am allowing God to control me to show Martin the kind of love he needs to be shown.  I am God's willing vessel, and I hope and pray that I  will continue to be used by God in this way.  It is my calling at this point in my life, and it is my joy to allow God to demonstrate this love.

I promise that later on this week other giveaways will come about, and I will do some networking to hopefully get this blog growing again.  Thank you for sticking by me as I have been sharing my heart!


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