Thursday, November 4, 2010

Thoughtful Thursday--It's Been a Hard Day, and I Don't Think It Will Get Easier Any Time Soon!

Well, I've put it off for too long tonight.  Now it's time to write.  You will probably notice I did a book review--that was easy.  But things happened today that have made me feel very much like this:

Or this:

I want this:

All right, here is what happened.  Today was supposed to be the day that the love of my life--my best friend from England, Martin--came back to the States.  I was honestly fine today for the morning.  I was not uptight or anything.  I found a job late last night, and I was quite ready to see Martin.  It did not even affect my sleep.

Something interesting happened yesterday.  I had a job in Tacoma, and a job closer to me opened up for  tomorrow, and I didn't know why, but I went ahead and cancelled out the one in Tacoma and went for the one nearby.  If anything, I thought it would get me home earlier.

At my job today, I was checking my phone during a slow part of a class,  and I noticed a voice mail.  That was strange,  I figured it was from my mom,  and I figured it might be  some  change in plan or something.  

It wasn't.  It was Martin saying that he wouldn't be in till Friday.  No big deal, I thought to myself.  Hey, that's even better for us.  I figured there was some problem--a volcano like before that delayed flights--I thought I heard something about some  volcano recently--or maybe the weather or just a flight cancellation.  I sent him a text telling him I got his message,  and  then I turned my phone back off.  Before I did that, I left a message for my mom so she would know about the change in schedule.

A short time later, I checked my phone again.  Martin had tried to call again.  He seemed rather keen on telling  me why the flight was changed.  I didn't see  the big deal--he could tell me when he got  in.  But I sent him a text telling him when my lunchtime was, and  he could call me then.  And he did.

I was preparing to go on the computer, and he called me.  I was not prepared for what he said.  I won't tell you the reason--I feel I need to keep that secret for his sake--but it was quite unsettling what he told me.  The pit of my stomach has not been the same  since.  I had already thanked God for changing my job for Friday, but I was just not prepared for the story Martin related to me.  All I will say is that our security has changed so much over the years, and I just wish that airplane security would catch the real threats rather than deal with imagined threats!  

Here's what scared me, too.  Do you know what my first impulse was?  I thought that I would finally let Martin go all the way physically with me--yes, I was ready to have sex with him!  Good grief, I was shocked!  Where had that come from?  I was so glad that I had been going through the study in church because I immediately recognized this was my flesh and soul speaking, not God's Spirit within me.  I began to pray that God's spirit would control me.  It really did help.  My only thought had been to comfort Martin, but I  know that is not the way God would have me do that.  I don't need a law to tell me that--I have His Spirit!

As I tried to continue through my day, I nearly vomited every time I thought about Martin and what had happened.  I have begun to pray that God will clear the way for him to get through customs tomorrow.  That is what he really needs.  Thankfully, it shouldn't be an issue, but it's just one of those things that is in the back of your mind.  I realized yet again today how much I truly love that man.  Indeed, I felt almost as bad as the time that Martin and I had our major falling-out  a couple years ago.  It is amazing how much Martin affects me physically because no other person has ever done that to me before.

I have tried to remain busy tonight, but as I prepare for bed, I should feel tired, but the adrenalin is now pumping through me.

So here is what I say about thoughtful Thursday.  I am extremely thoughtful--in fact I am thinking too much.

So please, if you would, pray for me,  and pray for Martin.  Pray that I will  calm  down, and pray that he will get into the country safely.  And pray that God's Spirit will control me and that Martin will be saved.  I know I don't usually ask for prayer, but I sense  I need all  the prayer I can.  Thank you, dear friend.  Next week, I promise to get back on the ball and list some more giveaways.  You have been wonderful to follow me through the lean times, and you deserve something great!  I think I have a couple leads on some sponsored giveaways, and so just give me some time.  And winners, I have not forgotten about you.  This weekend, please.


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