Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Twilight Tuesday--God is Good

I thought I would share tonight something that was (and sometimes is) a twilight moment for me in recent times.  And God used a wonderful book that I read recently--Redeeming Love.  I shared a little in my review, but I will share more here.

Those of you who have been following me know that my best friend, Martin, is here 6 months out of the year.  He is not saved, but I am trusting God that he will be.  And I am in love with him and joyfully anticipate the moment when he is saved and we can be married.  Our relationship is very complicated because we are best friend, soul mates, and yet he insists that is all we are.  Except that there is a definite chemistry and spark between us that everyone who has ever met us sees almost instantly.  We do have a bit of a physical relationship,  but it is kept within certain realms.  And he dismisses  it as nothing emotional.  I just follow God and make sure I don't let things go too far.

Things were fantastic when he came back this time--he treated me like a princess.  Then things were becoming rather regular between us.  But things got busy.  And Martin and my dad don't get along.  So Martin was often physically sore from clearing property and very mad at my dad.  So I normally kept silent and did not try for anything physical between us.

That was killing me!  All I could do was think about the physical.  I craved it to the point that it almost began to consume me.  And I  began to cry out to God.  My emotions and hormones  went wild.

It was just  about this time that I began to read Redeeming Love.  I immediately identified with Michael Hosea.  I understood his pain.  And when Angel left one time,  he cried  out to God.  God told him that Angel had made sex a god.  That kind of  stopped me in my tracks.  Wow. In a sense, that is what I had done.  I had gotten so into  the  physical that I had forgotten to pray for Martin's salvation.  I wasn't working on any other parts of our friendship.  It wasn't out of control, but it was headed that direction.

So I made a commitment at that point to let the physical go.  I don't spend every night hoping it will happen.  I am content to wait.  And I have.  Tonight, things turned somewhat physical--quite surprising under the circumstances--and I did not go crazy.  In fact, God had given me such insight  into things that I knew why Martin had not craved the physical.  He was too tired, and now he is sick.  I used to worry that I was not attractive enough and that Martin was losing interest.  God is opening my eyes to so many things about Martin because I have resolved to make God first and Martin's salvation the primary thing in my prayers.

Indeed, what has been a twilight time is now an early morning sunrise.  In time, I believe the sun will be shining down!


  1. It sounds like a difficult situation for you. There is some reason God put you together, but we don't always know why until much later. I admire you for taking it to God in prayer, and God's will to be eventually shown. I'm reading "Walking With God" by John Eldredge about communication with God. I am finding it very helpful in beginning to understand and receive God's will for us.
    Like your blog.

  2. Very difficult situation. What it sounds like from an objective point of view is that Martin is feeling just as you are, but he is trying to control his feelings because your relationship with God confuses him - JMO. sammiejanL40 at aol dot com